I want to write a little bit about hope and despair and how I have experienced both of these feelings on my mission, and specifically, this week.
I will start with despair. In Preach My Gospel it talks about a cycle that starts with losing hope and becoming discouraged. Discouragement leads to weakened faith. Weakened faith leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desires and more difficulty in feeling and following the spirit. This cycle, as described in Preach My Gospel, has really impacted me on my mission. Sometimes it seems easiest to just give in to discouragement, but I always try to remember that doing so will weaken my faith. And, if I make an effort, and pray to avoid discouragement, that I can hopefully begin to put into action an opposite cycle--one that starts with hope, leads to a strengthened faith, optimism, greater desires and so on. There is a quote from a talk by Chieko Okazaki that I just love: "Sisters, I testify that the forces of life are always stronger than the forces of death. If we choose, if we even desire to choose, if we even hope for the desire to choose, we set in motion powerful forces for life that are led by Jesus Christ himself. He responds to those tender tendrils of crippled life with the force and energy that will bring them to flowering. Listen to these promises of love and yearning desire for us. Feel the hope they bring that with Him we can overcome the world."
I have to admit, that sometimes on my mission I encounter such tragic situations that I start to despair. A lot of it has to do with extreme poverty, but the greatest tragedies of all that I have seen have to do with sin--hatred, anger, violence, abuse, rape, addiction, neglect. I have seen these things all throughout my mission, and of course I saw them before my mission too, but for some reason they really have been weighing on me here in my new area in Formosa. Often we go to visit people and we hear such awful, heartwrenching stories, that it is hard to leave these lessons with a brightness of hope and an optimistic spirit. Often I feel a little helpless or powerless when the powers of darkness seem to be so strong and so deeply rooted in homes, families and even communities around me. How can I possibly make a difference when these things have become so widespread and accepted that they begin to seem inevitable? This week my companion and I have walked out of houses and felt to weep for the things we saw and heard. We have poured out our hearts in prayer for some of the people here in our branch. But sometimes, sometimes, they feel a little bit like the prayers of the prophet Mormon at the end of the Book of Mormon for his people that are "without faith" (see Mormon 3).
Still, now I want to write a little about hope. Even in the face of such tragedy, not always, but often, I do feel hope. I pray for hope and there are moments when feelings of hope come even when it should be impossible. My thoughts and impressions from the rededication of the Buenos Aires Temple were erased last week, but I wanted to share that there in the rededication I felt an incredible brightness of hope. I felt the certainty that light could overpower darkness and as sister Okazaki says that "the forces of life are always stronger than the forces of death." I know that purity and goodness are possible even in a world of darkness and corruption. This is my testimony of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel. I felt an incredible peace in the temple last weekend.
I also felt hope as I watched Lucas and Ezequiel enter the waters of baptism this weekend. It was a beautiful occasion even though the preparations (as usual) were a little stressful. I feel hope that, although each of them face very challenging circumstances in their respective families and homes, that maybe, just maybe, they will be the ones to make a difference in their families and communities. I have a perfect faith that if they persevere in applying the gospel principles we have taught, they will be able to have happy, successful lives, regardless of material circumstances. This I know, because I have seen it in the lives of wonderful, humble, faithful members here.
I am attaching a few photos. It was pretty much a miracle that Lucas´s dad showed up! And please excuse the grim expression of Ezequiel´s face. He really is a nice, happy, person--he just needs to learn how to smile in photos.
Well, that is all I have time to write for now. Transfers are tomorrow. It is getting harder to get Argentine visas and so they are not sending as many North Americans to our mission lately. Rumor is that this transfer there will be LOTS of changes, so I would like to say I will stay in the branch here in Parque, but I am not sure.
I love you all.
Hermana Parker
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